Friedenau, April 24, 1900
My precious Dziodziuś! Your letter arrived at the right time, just when a thought was ceaselessly tormenting me: When will this chaotic mess between us come to an end?
In order to explain to you my state of mind and my behavior recently, I will only say briefly that I had concluded from the whole recent period, mostly in fact from my stay in Zurich, that you … had stopped loving me; perhaps there is even someone else who has a claim on you, that I “at any rate have ceased to be for you the person who would be capable of making you happy in this life—to the extent that it is at all possible.
This idea became clear to me all at once that night when I was at [Clara] Zetkin’s, lying on her sofa, and besieged by these thoughts, I could not go to sleep. Suddenly it all became so clear to me, and beyond any doubt. Your hesitation about the trip to Berlin and your entire behavior recently I have come to understand in the light of this fact, that it would be easier for me—truthfully—and it would relieve the pain in my chest, as in the case of a person who after endless riddles, complications, confusion, and muddling finally finds a simple and clear answer to all questions, even though it may be a most painful answer.
I immediately decided also to handle things in such a way as to make the separation easier for you, that is, first of all to break off our correspondence, so as not to initiate new connections between us through my letters, and so as not to affect your mood. I “From your letter I somehow seem to gather that I—that I made a mistake (I am not at all in the state of mind to state certain things openly)—that our relationship still has some ground under its feet and there is hope for the future. But are you yourself sure of this? Do you really know quite well what is going on inside you? Isn’t it just a momentary weakness? Dziodziuś!…
And if everything is all right, then don’t try to discuss anything with me, especially not what was and how it was, not that any more, but write when and how we are to make arrangements. There are many reasons to be quick about this…